Monday, June 11, 2007

Feeling in the Corner

After a long time I checked the leaves I had accumulated over a period of time. It was almost close to 26 days and including the weekends would make it a monthful.The point that immediately stroked me was if I were not with my family and were working in a different place, I would have immediately planned for a vacation to enjoy with my family. But the whole point of thinking this itself was defeated in first place as am already with my family. I was playing a flash program many times in my mind about iterating the thought of taking leave and telling my mom about it. Each time I got a counter comment with different reasons why I cannot avail it. One of my relative was getting married. I am planning to take only a day’s leave as the marriage falls over a weekend. I know they are expecting me to take more leave. But what am I going to do when they themselves are going to be so busy after the marriage? It doesn’t make sense taking leaves for impressing them and finally when am not convinced.

I thought I will ask my sister for some jolly trip. She herself is running short of leaves. Poor gal too much of embarrassment if am going to ask her and when she cannot help me out.

Imagine just amma and myself going on a so called jolly trip or break, leaving out the actual fun with the family .Well, I did not want to enjoy any such virtual fun when I truly know when that does not satisfy me at any cost leaving sis and dad.

What can be an actual enjoyment for me was bothering too much. I want to enjoy at the maximum that at any moment I should feel am satisfied and lemme die at the moment as well as also feel lemme live longer for enjoying some more time.

I was glancing through some of the feel good things I had wanted.

Learn car driving, buy a car and drive to my office.

A day starting with lovely espresso. Watch a movie that moved me and I can afford to watch it any number of times with a good company. Eat any number of lays chips (because no one can eat just one) without bothering that it’s high caloric. Eat manakka manakka rasam sadam and vendaikkai kari with ulundhu appalam. Have a sound sleep in the afternoon and go to beach in the evening. Enjoying the tides and playing with water. Eat bhel puri and channa pais at gangothri on the way back. A heart throbing music with a dim light at bedroom and make me go off to sleep.
Can I call it a day??

Plan for a holiday trip to a place which has plentiful greenery. Lovely waterfall where I can play and enjoy the nature. When am back from the waterfall, it should rain there after and I love getting drenched in rain. I know I will fall sick, but that’s fine. I can eat the usual pills for cold and can become a’right.

Can someone really understand that I like them all? Hope they all come true. When does a person really feel happy?? I think it’s the wish one has in the core of mind that needs to be equated even before finding ways to be happy.

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